A Hidden Struggle: Navigating Identity as Gay and Amish

Imagine a world where the gentle clip-clop of horse-drawn buggies echoes through the countryside, where families gather for simple meals, and where faith and tradition intertwine seamlessly. This is the idyllic image many conjure when they think of the Amish. But what happens when the complexities of modern life, specifically the realities of sexual orientation and gender identity, intersect with this deeply rooted culture? What is it like to be gay and Amish?

The Unspoken Truth: Homosexuality in Amish Society

Within the close-knit Amish community, family reigns supreme. Large families, often with seven to ten children, are the norm. Gender roles are clearly defined, echoing a bygone era. Women tend to the home, cooking, cleaning, and caring for the children, while men work the land, ensuring the family's livelihood. Education focuses on practical skills, reading, writing, and arithmetic, alongside the values and traditions that bind the community together. Discussions about gender expression, gender identity, and sexual orientation are virtually non-existent. This silence, coupled with limited access to the outside world, can create a profound sense of isolation for LGBTQ+ individuals within the Amish community.

The Ordnung: A Framework for Life

The Amish live by a set of unwritten rules known as the Ordnung. These rules, which can vary from district to district, govern nearly every aspect of life, from the use of technology to family life, dress, and even the punishment of those who stray from the path. Due to the Bible and conservative beliefs, homosexuality is viewed as a sin. Breaking these rules can lead to shunning, a form of social isolation that can be temporary or permanent, and in extreme cases, even ex-communication.

The Cost of Coming Out

For a gay Amish individual, the decision to come out is fraught with peril. The potential consequences are devastating. Suppression, living a life of quiet desperation, is one option. Coming out to family and community can result in shunning, the severing of ties that bind an individual to everything they know. In some cases, individuals are pressured into conversion therapy or forced marriages, a desperate attempt to conform to societal expectations. But can you truly change who you are?

Education and Employment Barriers

The challenges don't end there. Amish children typically conclude their formal education after the eighth grade. This limited schooling can make it difficult for those who leave the community to find employment, increasing their vulnerability and forcing many into homelessness. Imagine being thrust into a world you know little about, without the skills or support to navigate it. The internalized pain of reconciling one's identity with the beliefs of one's community can be immense, leading to mental health struggles and despair.

Finding Hope and Support

Despite the immense challenges, hope exists. Organizations and individuals are stepping up to provide support and resources to LGBTQ+ Amish individuals. These safe spaces offer a lifeline, a place to share stories, find connection, and know that they are not alone.

Stories of Resilience

Consider the story of Thaddeus Schlabach, who was sent to an ex-gay religious counselor by his parents. Or the experience of A. Troyer, who left his community after his sister discovered a gay magazine he had been hiding. He spent weeks homeless before finding someone to help him start a new life. While his parents still refuse to see him, Troyer's story is one of finding strength and resilience in the face of adversity. Their experiences are unfortunately common within the Amish community.

The Future of Acceptance

While the Old Order Amish remain resistant to change, there are glimmers of hope within the New Order Amish and among more progressive Mennonite communities. There is a growing movement to embrace LGBTQ+ individuals, suggesting that attitudes are not monolithic. Though not as quickly as many would like to see, there is hope that the future holds greater understanding and acceptance.

A Call for Understanding

It's easy to pass judgment on traditions different from our own, but it's important to remember the human element. These are real people, grappling with complex issues of identity and belonging. By fostering empathy and understanding, we can help create a world where everyone feels safe and accepted, regardless of their background or sexual orientation.

The journey of a gay Amish person is a difficult one, marked by isolation, rejection, and the struggle to reconcile personal identity with cultural expectations. However, with increased awareness, support, and a growing movement towards acceptance, there is hope for a future where LGBTQ+ Amish individuals can live authentically and without fear.